---

So, I shared my sentimental thoughts on graduation--now for my bitchy ones.

Why on earth do people think it is appropriate to bring small children to a crowded event that is going to last every bit of an hour and require silence? It doesn't begin until 8 p.m., eithr, so the kids are going to get tired. There were kids running in the bleachers, babies crying, kids going to the lobby, etc. I just wanted to yell, "Hire a sitter!". There were several former students there with their kids--I suppose to show them off. All it did was show me that they equally bad judgement in their post-secondary lives as they were in school.

Since when did graduation not require dressing up? There were kids in jeans, shorts, tank tops, crop t-shirts. You name it. One girl that graduated in my last homeroom was wearing freaking Daisy Duke length shorts and a t-shirt. WTF? I know I taught her better than that. One bonehead GED graduate showed up in jeans and tennis shoes. I asked him where his dress clothes were and he just looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. The rest of them looked so nice in their dark shoes--three of my favorite boys went out and bought nice, new black dress shoes because I threatened them within an inch of their lives. I was so proud. Fortunately, the moron in jeans did exactly what everyone expected of him, so at least it didn't reflect poorly on me.

Why do people think they need to get up and walk to the front of the room and get a picture and interrupt? A child actually broke through the line of kids waiting for diplomas to go up front. I nearly lost my mind. Reverence is a thing of the past.

I read somewhere about a coach that told his football players not to act like fools in the endzone. He wanted them to "act like youahve been there before." The same should be said for parents and friends of graduates when their loved one crosses the floor. Do we need to celebrate with whoops and screams that highlight the fact that it is a bloody miracle that Bozo got the diploma? The biggest whoopers were for the GED walkers--of course most of the audience didn't know that they were only gettting a GED because we are not allowed to distinguish between the two. That pisses me off to no end. We also can't mention the fact that two of the diploma covers we gave out were empty because the jackasses didn't make up all of their absences yet.

My personal favorite white trash moment of the night, though, was the woman who went to the vending machines before graduation. Somehow, the damn things didn't get turned off. You wouldn't think people would try to take snacks into a graduation, but you would be wrong. It has happened before and I pissed off some woman who was trying to buy the kids M and Ms and Cokes. Thankfully the machine wouldn't take her money. I pulled the plugs and she was irate. Too bad. I suppose she was one who thought since we have graduation in the gym, it was like a sporting event, hence the snacks, the whooping and the running around the court.

To top off the event, our principal has the public speaking skills of an orangutang. She flitted around yesterday moving plants and putting up a hideous homemade logo on the podium when she should have been reading the list of awards she had to give out because when it came time for her to do that, she had no clue what was where and had to ask the assistant principal (another piece of work) for help. Then she managed to call the kids the Class of 2001 and get the name of theschool wrong--twice. By the end of the thing, she was so flustered, she was ready to climb under the podium. She couldn't even announce the upcoming speakers with any sort of flair. She insisted the we add the Pledge of Allegiance to the ceremony at the last minute. We told the #3 student in the class when he arrived that he was the chosen one. You can imagine his horror at the idea. We never even practiced it. When it was his time, she announced something along the lines of, "At this time Chris G. will lead us in the pledge. Please join Chris G. in the pledge to our country." A real wordsmith our leader is. Somehow she has tried to make the event all about her--she insists on giving each child the diploma and a hug. They do not want a hug. It was comical watching some of them shrug their way out of it. She wanted to turn their tassles on their caps, too, but they revolted and insisted that Denise and I do it as per the tradition at SFS for the last gazillion years. She wanted our moron assistant principal to call out the names, but they balked at that, too, and Denise and I did it.

I am going to spend the next 4 years drilling proper graduation behavior into the heads of my new homeroom. Too bad we can't make the parents come, too. Thank god I only have to be really involved once every 4 years.